The Monterey Peninsula Toy Box Republican Dictionary

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Activist Judge: One who makes a ruling that we don't agree with. Bipartisanship: Getting Democrats to vote our way. Capitalism: Good. Capitalist: Good person. Collateral Damage: Innocent people we accidentally kill in order to eliminate terrorists who want to kill innocent people. Communism: Socialism (see). Compromise: Abandoning our principles. Conservation: A Liberal term for preventing people from having what they want when they want it. Conservative: American, patriotic. Constitutional Amendment: What we propose whenever an activist judge makes a ruling we disagree with. Debate: Screaming so loudly that your opponent can't be heard.  Democrat: Liberal (see), Socialist (see). Deregulation: Capitalism (see). Empathy: Liberal bias. Environmentalist: Nut case who prefers trees, deer and whales over corporate profits, 10-lane freeways, and cheap oil. Fair and Balanced: Whatever makes sense to us. Faith in God: What we miraculously rediscover three days after being caught lying, cheating, or stealing. Family Values: Exemplified by good married heterosexual Christians who don't have sex except to make babies. Indecency: Bare breasts. Liberal: Traitor. Market Forces: The "invisible hand" which, if left unchecked, will naturally stabilize our economy and thus eliminate any need for us to plan ahead.  Media Bias: Any report which presents facts that contradict our beliefs. Mission Accomplished: The easy part is over. Minimum Wage: Excessive compensation for our front-line employees who do the actual selling of our product. Moderate: Some weenie trying to have it both ways. Morality: No sex. National Interest: Corporate profits. Personal Responsibility: I've got mine, you're on your own. Every man for himself. Reaching Out: A willingness to work with anyone who shares our views. Regulation: Socialism (see). Reform: Eliminate, privatize, or cut funding. Religious Freedom: The right to impose our religious views on others.  Republican base: A small, paranoid minority of Americans our party must bow down to in order to win elections. Root Causes of Terrorism: A Liberal (traitor's) term used to justify the acts of evildoers. Nothing we need to worry about. Second Amendment: The right to keep and bear arms of any type whatsoever without any regulation whatsoever. The phrase "shall not be infringed" clearly cancels out the phrase "well regulated militia." Socalism: Bad. Socialist: Bad person. States Rights: The right of states to determine their own policies. Excludes state policies which conflict with any federal policies established by Republican administrations. Subsidies: What we eagerly spend to support highways, aviation and seaports, but we must never, ever, EVER give to Amtrak. Tax Cut: A legal way to buy votes. An indirect way to encourage reform (see) on all federal domestic programs. War on Terror: Kill all dem bastards.