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Judge: One who makes a ruling that we don't agree with.
Bipartisanship: Getting Democrats to vote our way.
Capitalist: Good person.
Collateral Damage: Innocent people we accidentally kill in order to eliminate terrorists who want to kill innocent people.
Communism: Socialism (see).
Compromise: Abandoning our principles.
Conservation: A Liberal term for preventing people from having what they want when they want it.
Conservative: American, patriotic.
Constitutional Amendment: What we propose whenever an activist judge makes a ruling we disagree with.
Debate: Screaming so loudly that your opponent can't be heard.
Democrat: Liberal (see), Socialist (see).
Deregulation: Capitalism (see).
Empathy: Liberal bias.
Environmentalist: Nut case who prefers trees, deer and whales over corporate profits, 10-lane freeways, and cheap oil.
Fair and Balanced: Whatever makes sense to us.
Faith in God: What we miraculously rediscover three days after being caught lying, cheating, or stealing.
Family Values: Exemplified by good married heterosexual Christians who don't have sex except to make babies.
Indecency: Bare breasts.
Market Forces: The "invisible hand" which, if left unchecked, will naturally stabilize our economy and thus eliminate any need for us to plan ahead.
Media Bias: Any report which presents facts that contradict our beliefs.
Mission Accomplished: The easy part is over.
Minimum Wage: Excessive compensation for our front-line employees who do the actual selling of our product.
Moderate: Some weenie trying to have it both ways.
Morality: No sex.
National Interest: Corporate profits.
Personal Responsibility: I've got mine, you're on your own. Every man for himself.
Reaching Out: A willingness to work with anyone who shares our views.
Regulation: Socialism (see).
Reform: Eliminate, privatize, or cut funding.
Religious Freedom: The right to impose our religious views on others.
Republican base: A small, paranoid minority of Americans our party must bow down to in order to win elections.
Root Causes of Terrorism: A Liberal (traitor's) term used to justify the acts of evildoers. Nothing we need to worry about.
Second Amendment: The right to keep and bear arms of any type whatsoever without any regulation whatsoever. The phrase "shall not be infringed" clearly cancels out the phrase "well regulated militia."
Socialist: Bad person.
States Rights: The right of states to determine their own policies. Excludes state policies which conflict with any federal policies established by Republican administrations.
Subsidies: What we eagerly spend to support highways, aviation and seaports, but we must never, ever, EVER give to Amtrak.
Tax Cut: A legal way to buy votes. An indirect way to encourage reform (see) on all federal domestic programs.
War on Terror: Kill all dem bastards.